Things Keep Getting Ruined
I just returned from nine days in Buenos Aires, my heart-home and possible future actual home. While there, I actively avoided reading and listening to news from the US, or indeed any news at all. I felt guilty for doing so because there is a lot going on that concerns me. In normal daily life I strive to stay informed of current events; to seek good information from reliable sources; I try not to jump on sensationalist bandwagons, though the temptation is always strong. But we all sometimes need a break from reality, and I am privileged enough to be able to escape my own reality quite frequently, due to my job with an airline. My family likes to travel and we chose to spend our money on it rather than say, a giant TV for the living room. We often pine for one, because our online streaming is cumbersome and connections are sometimes slow. But we manage to consume our share of entertainment, media, and messages, usually by reading or listening on our phones. But his past week, hoping for a real get-away, I didn’t touch any news apps or click on any news stories, at all.
Despite that, and despite being five thousand miles away, the sad reality of life in America caught up with me in Argentina when I learned about the brutal shooting of young Ralph Yarl. I was so angry and sad, incredulous and yet believing. You did it again, Hate, Fear and Racism. You ruined things. You ruined a boy’s life, and his family’s peace. You ruined a neighborhood and a city. You ruined justice (because already we see how laws on the books are unblanaced- tipped to protect the white shooter more than the black person who lays fighting for his life).
My natural tendency is not to hate or fear others, and it is not to be racist. So when the trifecta rears its ugly head, I get pissed. And sad. And tired. Of note: I do not walk around daily in skin that puts my life in jeopardy, though many people I love, do.
My Music Man and I often have a conversation about the general state of racism in the US that goes something like this:
Me: Things are getting better. But sometimes seem they’re getting worse.
Him: Things have always been terrible. And they’re sort of getting better, but also getting worse.
Me: Lots has changed, right?
Him: What’s really changed is people feel more at ease to display hatred.
Me: At least we are more aware now… and we can do something about it…
Him: America is far from fulfilling its promise to many; distrust and disbelief are reasonable and real, and the people get tired of dying.
Those last words are originally by poet Henry Dumas’ but also used by my Music Man as the opening title of his mono opera The Gray Land . It is haunting acapella choral piece inspired by Michael Brown’s death in 2014, occurring while we awaited the birth of our own son. It’s been almost nine years and American Black Boy blood ceases to flow, lives are still ruined, and people of color in America are not safe. Listening to this music now and contemplating American reality seems appropriate, a near requiem. Though let’s hope the victim survives and this time we don’t need one.
There is a parallel story here, a conversation with a Venezuelan Uber driver in Argentina, but that’s for another post. I’ll end this one with a prayer for Ralph Yarl; an unending wish and hope for true change in our country. Fear and hate and racism in America are real, there is no better proof than the shooting of a sixteen year old boy who rang the wrong doorbell. Many Americans are afraid to admit that this negative trifecta is real. This is also because of fear: fear they’ll look weak; fear of admitting they were wrong; fear of trying a new way; fear, ultimately, of change. But until we deal with fear and hate and racism in America, things will keep getting ruined.
